The only way I feel most confident talking about certain issues, is if I relate them to myself and my own experiences. I realise I am not qualified in any way to dictate advice and I also realise that everyone is different and will take what they will from such topics. I do hope you will accept this as it is intended and that is to help you find a way to feel fabulous everyday of your life because that is exactly what you deserve 💞
I only really became my most confident after my third child was born almost 2 and a half years ago. As a child myself I was pretty confident, never particularly quiet or shy but as I reached my teens this all changed. I was picked on quite a bit on occasions throughout my time in high school which was naturally a contribution to this but I also struggled in other ways. I found while growing up I wasn’t able to truly voice my opinion on subjects and would just nod along with everyone else. I suppose I was afraid to be my complete self for fear of being judged or disliked and this held me back from being me. I didn’t have the confidence to feel confident in myself if that makes any sense. I also struggled with the way I looked and each morning I would look in the mirror, feel a bit ‘meh’ regards to the reflection then begin the rigmarole of transforming into the ‘Amy’ people would recognise. The girl with the really long nails, the girl with the eyelashes. All very superficial things to overshadow the real me. Only I didn’t even know who the real me was either. There was a version I had created but it certainly wasn’t organic. With this in mind I now understand this has an outstanding amount to do with inner confidence, when you begin to discover or realise who you are. A cliche saying It might be but one of the biggest turning points is when this all clicks into place. This in no way happened over night, its a process like working on a long ass jigsaw puzzle. Slotting together piece by piece, slowly revealing the bigger picture. So how did I become more confident? I worked on and still continue to work on myself mentally and physically daily. I read tips on boosting confidence, I read quotes that would help build me up and I really tried to put everything into prospective. Mentally prioritising everything and most importantly learned to let go of insignificant things. I forced a change in my outlook and eventually something inside just clicked. I became more and more content with myself, content with my life and accepted everything just as it is. In turn confidence slowly began to develop and continues to do so the more mindful I become day to day.
I decided I would learn to accept my body for what it is. Prior to children I just didn’t appreciate it, I didn’t feel confident with the fantastic physique I owned. Skip forward over 11 years later and 3 children on and I have never loved my body more and I assure you it is far, far less fantastic visually, but it’s how I feel about it that’s different. I will tell myself “Amz, you’ve carried and quite literally given human life to three beautiful beings, your touching 32, yes there is room for improvement but I know you simply don’t want to”. I am quite happy with what I have protecting my internal organs and because I’ve come to this realisation, I am confident with myself just as I am.
I worked on my worth as a woman, I realised all my strengths, my positives and also accepted that I’m not always going to be to everyone’s taste and that’s ok. I understand now, that everyone is different and not everyone is always going to agree or be on the same chapter as I am and that’s also ok. I believe real inner confidence is when you don’t always have to rely on the assurance and approval from others. It’s not about being ‘arrogant’ or ‘show offy’ it’s about self assurance and self approval, once you crack that the feeling is priceless.
The only person holding you back is you. Choose to be confident almost. Everyone is in charge of their own mind and everyone has the ability inside of them to change and train their own thoughts. Your thoughts really do determine the life you lead, so direct them towards the things you would really like and remember, only you can allow yourself to feel a certain way. Everyone has the right to feel confident in themselves and I would say accepting yourself and learning to really know yourself truly are the main key to inner confidence. Everything else just sort of falls into place.
Comparison is one of the biggest confidence killers going. By understanding how toxic comparing yourself to others is and how this only leads to self destructive behaviour is a great place to start too. I began this by simply telling myself that there is always going to be somebody more successful than me, more interesting than me, more attractive than me, more popular than me and that’s life! Fortunately I can put these things into perspective now and I believe it also makes you a better person in doing so, as you understand that the universe doesn’t revolve around you and your insecurities, there are worse things happening in the world after all. You will certainly find in this instance, the more you work on this the more you learn to let each insecure feeling you have, go.
Smiling and chatting to strangers, giving someone you’re passing a compliment, offering a helping hand to someone who needs it actually helps boost confidence. Self belief is also another rather significant piece to the puzzle. Having a strong belief in yourself and the fact you can do anything you want to do as you are worthy of good things. Realising that nothing can physically hold you back goes an awful long way where confidence is concerned. Pep talk yourself “I have this under control”, “I can accomplish this”, “yes I am going to wear this outfit today and feel fantastic” just simple phrases are a good starting point. Really concentrate on what you are saying to yourself and you really will begin to shine.
Learning how to deal/cope with failure is another big one. Things do not always go well in life naturally, things might not always go the way you wish or how you had planned them to turn out. By not allowing failures to get you down or consume you and instead using them in a positive way helps. Instead of thinking “why couldn’t I just do that one thing?” try changing it to “what can I learn from this?” “how can I do better next time to make it an ever better job?”.
There is a real repetition here, some key words ~ ‘acceptance’ ‘understanding’ ‘realisation’ ‘content’ these are all mental and emotional aspects. I think most of us assume a well groomed, wealthy, well spoken, popular person is the stereotypical ‘confident person’. I will say for sure you can be neither of those things and still be beaming with confidence or have all those things and be riddled with self doubt and lack confidence.
I can paint my nails and I always wear my lipstick, these things are lovely but it’s concentrating on what’s inside, that’s my key. Working on mindset, positive thoughts, acceptance and happiness is what made me feel confident.
I hope you can perhaps take even just one thing from this and it helps you find a way in which works for you, for finding true inner confidence.
I am super grateful for you giving my post a read ✨