My point of view on becoming less judgemental and how to cope with being judged yourself.
Disclaimer ~ I speak very generally and note I am not addressing serious cases of bullying here, likewise I am not passing off such thing either. Like I mentioned this is my own point of view and my own opinion, of which I realise I am inevitably putting myself out there to be ‘judged’ on this post and by doing so, it gives a fine example of what I am actually trying to portray.
Generally, people find it hard to be happy for others who are happy- simple as that. It’s one of those things in life that really bugs me, in fact I will go as far as saying it’s probably one of the main things and here’s why. Far too often you hear people declare “Well it’s alright for him he’s got….” “Why does she get all the luck?” “She thinks she’s so special” “He loves himself that one” “Nothing ever goes wrong for her, Miss Perfect!” To me when I here all these things I naturally pull out all of the positives~ somebody thinks of themselves as special, surely that’s a heck of a good thing isn’t it? They love themselves, shouldn’t we all feel content and accept ourselves, have the right and the confidence to love ourselves? Things are going right/well for someone, how is this not deemed a good thing? I will say for why, it makes people feel rubbish about themselves, somewhat inadequate. To me this is quite ridiculous and I believe there is a lot to be learned from someone who is happy. Instead of labelling someone smug, use what they project as an inspiration to yourself, to your own life and your own journey to happiness. Instead of feeling negative towards the ‘lucky’ or ‘overconfident’ lady or gent and letting their happiness or success make you feel negative or generally bad about yourself, take the opportunity to step back for a moment. Why are you acting as the rain on their parade? Is it making you feel any better? Chances are it probably isn’t. So now instead not only are you unhappy with yourself and your own life, you are now quite frankly bitter. Deep down nobody ever really wants to be that person, it’s not good for mind or your own well-being. I urge anyone who ever feels this way to challenge yourself to try and do the opposite next time someone comes over ‘too happy’ or ‘too smug’. Instead of passing negative judgement try to feel inspired by them, just let them be who they want to be and perhaps think about how much you would like to also feel that way. Choose to think fair play good on her, it’s fantastic she is so confident or so successful. Honestly, by just choosing to adjust your thoughts, by flipping your negative judgement to a more positive one you will feel much more positive yourself, not to mention kinder. You would of just made a small change from let’s face it maybe a quite jealous or envious person to an inspired, accepting and all round positive and kinder one. In itself this is a small and simple step but it really is possible to train your mind out of the negatively judgemental one you may use far too often. The beauty of being you is that you have choices and you can choose to act in a less negative and judging way, which in turn does wonders for your own self esteem.
Speaking generally there are two types of people you are judging, the type that care and the type that don’t and the awful thing here is you never know which is which on face value. You could negatively judge a person and they wont give a flying one about your opinion, they are far too busy being fabulous to be fazed by what you think. But then you could also negatively judge someone and you could effect them in ways too hideous to imagine. You could tear away that last scrap of confidence they had or be the cherry on top of the worse year of their life and completely break their heart. You can never be sure what a complete stranger is going through. You might smile at a passer by to be in turn completely blanked, frustrating this may be but you don’t know their story, they could of just been given some terrible news. A lady swings her car into a disabled spot, hops out and strolls into Boots, just because you see her legs are working you have no idea of the ins and outs of her disability.
I have experienced being judged many a time throughout my life. I have been made aware of some extremely harsh criticism in the past and I’m sure to a certain extent, I receive a deal now that I’m not always aware of, that’s life. For all I know you could be judging me negatively by this post but the difference now is instead of crying, I would accept your opinion because most importantly I accept myself and stand by my own values. I have experienced other people’s influential opinions being practically forced onto me when I was much younger, majority of the time awfully negative I might add as I have learned in life, people really do strangely enjoy voicing a bad opinion loud and proud. Throughout my life my decisions have been judged, my mentality has been criticised and my own opinions have been questioned. I’m certain every single person has experienced these things at some point in their lives and I have discovered it’s how we choose to deal with them that defines the way we feel about ourselves, not necessarily what the other person is saying. Choose to feel unfazed by any negative view, accept mixed opinions and others feelings on such matters, have respect for an alternative thought, but then leave it there, do not let it consume you or your day. Me personally, as I’ve grown into a 32 year old woman will not let any personal comments effect the way I feel about myself or knock my confidence. The way I now respond is by walking away with my head held high and proud of the fact that I have got to this point in my life, as I am far more resilient than I ever would of been in the past that for sure.
On the subject of self-judgement I literally just decided one day instead of feeling like crap when I looked at someone else’s ‘wonderful life’, ‘good fortune’ ‘amazing success’ ‘fantastic body’ I wanted to feel happy for them. I worked on my own confidence and my own self worth and found that by allowing myself to feel inspired and learn from these people, the negative thoughts about how I didn’t stack up to them slowly drifted away and in turn I became a non-judgemental person. If anything I celebrate the success of others and I will often be heard defending them if I hear a negative word against them. I might explain how hard they have obviously worked to get where they are, or how they must be super motivated to work out to look so fabulous. If anyone can do it why can we? I feel happy for others because I feel happy with myself. All my main motivational posts all interlink, like with the inner confidence, the happiness, the positivity the judgement, each point flows into the next. When you work on one, you may not be aware but you are subconsciously working on the other until you eventually flourish. When bad habits are finally broken and inner confidence, positivity and unique ways to happiness are explored only then I believe humans can resist the urge to criticise and learn to be non-judgemental of others.
Dare to be different and by that I mean yourself. Too many of us fear to show the real us for fear of being judged and you know what that is really upsetting when you think about it. Who’s life are we living here? We have one shot at it are we really going to waste it pretending to be someone we’re not just to please someone else, who at the end of the day probably won’t even give us a second thought? Even if they do pass judgement, remember that good old saying “what Sally says about Suzie says a lot more about Sally than it does about Suzie”. Try not to be the Sally.
One last note~ it would be pretty impossible to go through life not having anyone judge you at some point, it’s inevitable isn’t it?! You can not control other people’s thoughts, opinions or lack of ability to voice them. However what you can do is choose how it is you deal with the criticism and if you learn to be self assured enough you will not allow someone to bring you down. If you practice inner confidence and self belief enough the negative judgement of others will never change the way you feel about yourself.
And when you get to this point in life just anyone try and dull your fabulous sparkle, let them dare!
Can you relate to any of these points? How do you feel when someone judges you? I hope this helps in even a small way
As always Thank You for reading ✨